CH.2 "A stained Rose"

                       I decided to answer the call, and at least say good bye to someone, I guess all I wanted was still a bit of hope. Maybe I'm not alone, maybe this world is still balanced out. With God's creation maybe I am still an interesting paws to him. I feel like someone is watching over me, laughing at me, playing with me for their own interest. Because they are perfect, with their boredom, we were created. At this moment I answered, "Alecia...? Lets meet at waterfront mall tomorrow." ah! its Rose Smith. Of course the last person I should say good bye is her. I remembered now, I promised her, we will meet tomorrow and go buy gift with her, for her beloved boyfriend, Raymond, White. Rose as I say, her personality was just like her name, shes popular among not only men but women also. With that strong presence of her, she dated many men, but also hurt many men. I wouldn't say she plays around a lot, however she just couldn't find the right one. Maybe Raymond has the charm of a white rose,with his innocence, they mix together creating a beautiful pink rose which everyone admires. I could never stain that red atmosphere, however Rose likes my charm. It was 5 years ago, when we met. I don't prefer her being my best friend, but more of a shoulder-crying friend. I know everything about her, her family and her relationships. I would always just listen. I know her weakness, but she doesn't know mine. And its not because I don't have any problems with my life, I just don't like to reveal my inner self, not even to my little sister.

                       "I'm sorry, Rose. I can't be that one leaf for you anymore, I will not support and listen to you anymore, its time for you to face yourself and stand alone now." I said with out any shivering nor tears. "In these past years, you have ruined how many beautiful roses in your garden,and I have to be the one to replanted for you, I am thankful for your trust, but I think with millions of tears you dropped, the loneliness within your heart will only increase. Please promise me not to cry anymore,      so my shoulder can stay dry as I go?" Not that I feel sympathy for her, but I guess the memories that we build up for the past five years will not be remember if I die. Obviously, the gate of death will not allow me to bring anything with me but I realized, reason that I was scared of death was because of those memories, the memories I'm afraid to lose, it's pulling me back. Its pulling me so hard, I can't let go of this world with out saying goodbye to anyone, just someone. "are you okay Alecia...I can't promise you such things, you are the only one I can cry on, and what do you mean by go? are you leaving me?! are you drunk?" Rose said. Still as naive as the first time we met I thought. Maybe it was me who thinks too much, and who desires too much of this world and the people in it. 

                      Waiting is such a pain. I don't have patient for her to say I promised, maybe I should just jump   and maybe I should make my own red rose with my blood, although it won't be as pure as hers. I want a bit of darkness in my own rose, I need lots of veins, I need a black rose, a rose that people cannot touch, a rose that people will be surround by it, and slowly my veins will intertwine and tight up innocent people and spark! Redness everywhere splashes everywhere, what they don't see is the black stain in their blood. Did I stain the darkness in their blood? No, they were already poisoned, we, human are born with darkness from the very beginning, I just help them to spread it like a disease so they can see it themselves. Somehow, Rose starting to cry, I never liked her when she cried, because a beautiful red rose shouldn't have any weaknesses. I heartlessly hung up the phone. "And I can't even die in quietness." I laughed. I threw my phone off the building first. Now I am free and alone. My dream...has always be freedom. Free, and unlock myself from the prison within myself. I know I am dark, I know I'm sick, I know no one will rescue me, but me. Only myself can save my inner self. Maybe if I jump I can relive, to be born with a normal soul, normal mind, and as a normal unstained rose.